He had reached old age and was still unmarried.
When asked his reason for remaining a bachelor, he
said that he had always been looking for a perfect
spouse. “But in all this time, did you not find one?”
he was asked. “Once I did,” he replied, “but
unfortunately she was looking for a perfect spouse
too, and I did not come up to the required
standard.”
Generally people are expert at detecting the faults
of others. That is why they are unable to get on with
anybody. If they were to seek out their own faults,
instead of those of others, they would realize that
they are in the same position as they find others to
be in. Awareness of one’s own shortcomings makes
for a spirit of humility in individuals and unity in
society. If one sees only the faults of others, on the
other hand, one will become arrogant, and
perennially be at odds with one’s fellows.
It is a fact of psychology that no single person can
be an amalgam of all good qualities. Just as there
are many shades of grey between black and white,
so are there many gradations of good and evil in
ordinary human beings. While few are saints, few
also are the out-and-out villains of this life, and
many are the combinations of different qualities
and defects than one can find in any given
individual. It is no simple matter to label a person
wholly good or wholly bad. If there is to be
harmony within a community, the bad sides of its
members must be tolerated, while their good sides
are appreciated. In this way, no talent is lost to
society, and fellow-feeling will prevail. This is a
principle that should be remembered in all life’ s
relationships. Man and wife, employer and
employee, businessman and partner—all need to
keep it in mind. If we want to pluck “flowers,” we
have also to bear the “thorns” that come with them.
There is no way that one who cannot put up with
thorns will be able to possess the flowers of this life.
There are few great tasks which can be
accomplished by individuals single-handedly. Only
the talents of several individuals combined can
achieve any substantial work. Just as this is true in
commercial and political spheres, so is it true of
religious work also. But in whatever field work is
going on, people will only be able to work together
if they are patient and tenderhearted in their
outlook. They will have to bear with one another,
putting ill-feeling behind them, not becoming
alienated towards one another over petty issues. It
is all very well to be an idealist, but if one eternally
seeks the ideal in people, one is bound to be
disappointed. The only way to be able to work with
others, then, is to overlook the fact that they do not
come up to one’s ideal standard, and even to extend
moral support to those who seem the most
deficient.
Ref - The Moral Vision
- by Maulana Wahiduddin Khan
